Hello November

Fall is in full force. I can’t believe that October has come and gone so quickly. It never ceases to amaze me how time flies by in the blink of an eye after children come into our lives. At first, you feel like those phases or stages will never end. After a few years pass, you know better. I still have young littles, but I am all too familiar with how fleeting these years are. One night, it seems they fell asleep as toddlers and poof, just like that, they wake up with ideas, wishes, hopes and dreams. They become their own tiny humans.

Gone are the days of picking out cute outfits that they will happily wear. Now, they have their own opinions of how to properly convey the image of themselves they want projected out to the world. They don’t care for your food, shoe, accessories or apparel choices. No more suggested movies or shows. They need room to grow and form their own likes and dislikes.

That’s the beauty in it all though, raising them is a lot like the autumn season. So much grace in learning to let things go. Having a front row seat to the glorious colors that will be put on display, the work of the past. Watching old ideas and interests slowly fade and fall away – only to come back, new and changed. Maybe it will be an entirely new adventure, or maybe it will be the same adventure intensified. You just never know how things will fester and grow in the seasons to come.

These last few weeks have been tough. Between the state of our world and the coming of cool, crisp weather; shorter days and longer nights, I can easily slip into the darkness. We all struggle behind closed doors, I suppose. It’s an interesting thing to be conflicted in your thoughts and emotions. Being capable of being excited and dreading the coming changes, simultaneously, is exhausting. I couldn’t wait for Halloween, but was so glad when it was over. I was overjoyed with the new Usborne Books & More (which I plan to continue pursuing, just in my own way) endeavor, but equally overwhelmed with trying to do parties and finding balance.

It took me a long time, but I have learned that I am very simplistic by nature. Not out laziness, although I am far from ambitious. I am simplistic because the only constant I need is ease. Not to say I never do hard things, I just need wide open days and freedom to find peace. Otherwise, I become stiffled and cut off.

All the energy I have goes into being a wife and mama. I give 110% into everything I do. So, if I’m trying to focus on even one extra little thing, and it throws off my balance; I get cranky, short and distracted. I cannot put anything above my required peace to be the mama my kids deserve. I have made that mistake far too many times. I’m no longer willing to compromise the time or energy I give to my family.

I know that is not His intended purpose for my life. I have no (and have never had) direction. It is the story of my life. There is no plan as to where I’m going, I just go where the wind takes me. I do know, however, that He created me that way for a reason. Because, no matter where I’ve ended up, I give it my all. Wherever He takes me or places me, I go at it with gusto. Sometimes it works out, sometimes, I can tell very quickly it was only meant to be a lesson.

At the end of the day, I know, when He is ready to reveal His plans for me (beyond being a wife, motherhood and homeschooling) it will all fall into place. I’m also aware that I’m incredibly hard headed and maybe, just maybe, He’ll continue to throw things my way only to further solidify that there is no beyond motherhood, or homeschooling, or being a wife. And, to be honest, I’m perfectly content with that.

While I may not be ready for the unknowns that these darker months will bring, I will embrace them and trust in His plans. I can feel the changes coming in the wind as it hits my face. I can see them with every leaf that turns to a magnificent new shade just before it falls. With each leaf, He shows us what it means to let go. Luckily for us, we’ve already had the pleasure of seeing what He does afterwards. He creates something new. Something even more beautiful than you remember. Something enchanting, as if you’re seeing it for the very first time.

Here’s to letting go.